Love is in the Doing | Blog | Glen Alex | Clinical Social Work Therapist LCSW | Author | Glen Alex Show Host | Las Vegas, Nevada

Love is in the Doing

If you think love is just a feeling, think again. Stephen Covey nailed it when he said, “Love is a verb.” Most humans are so deeply confused about this truth. When I posted his quote on my social media wall, a friend immediately disagreed. She replied to correct me with an official dictionary definition stating that love is a noun—a person, place, or thing. Imagine her surprise when I explained what Mr. Covey meant, that love is action.

Love is action.

Love is Feeling in Motion

Going beyond the basic interpretation of love as a feeling his book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, Covey describes love as feeling in motion. Too many people need to experience warm fuzzies, excitement, or even sexual impulses toward another person in order to believe they are “in love” romantically. However, the opposite is the true. It is acts of love that produce the sensations associated with love. This is true in romance and other types of relationships too.

Think of why you love someone. Is your love for them based upon what they do for you? …because they are giving, because they do certain things for you, because they listen to you. You love them because of their actions, what they do in your relationship.

Now think of a complaint you have about a loved one. Is it about something they no longer do for or with you? Perhaps they don’t call to say hi anymore. It could be that they stopped cooking or cleaning. Or maybe they no longer spend quality time with you.

Caring Behaviors

These acts of love are called caring behaviors, small acts of kindness. They are easy to perform when that ‘loving feeling’ is present. When it is not, caring behaviors tend to become less frequent or stop altogether.

You may believe that you have to feel love in order to execute a caring behavior. You don’t. It’s actually the other way around. The feeling of love is kindled by caring behaviors, the actions that make love a verb.

“…maybe the feelings are dwindling precisely because you’re not doing all the little things [you] used to do to nurture your partner and the relationship.”

–Barbara Markway Ph.D., Clinical Psychologist

If you want to feel excitement and warm fuzzies about your relationship, then do something you know your partner enjoys. Because they enjoy it. Your actions will trigger your love connection and show your partner that they are important to you.

Your actions will trigger your love connection.

How to get that ‘loving feeling’ back with LCD

Follow these 3 simple LCD steps to get back to love:

List:

Make a list of acts you know your partner likes. List everything you can think of, no
matter how small or silly they seem. Remember that caring behaviors are small acts of
kindness so your gestures need not be grand.

Commit:

Commit to performing your caring behaviors consistently—daily, weekly, special occasions, etc.

Do:

Act. Perform the caring behaviors even if you don’t ‘feel it’.

Want to feel love again? Then take action with LCD. Love is in the doing.

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